Things I tell myself

Just look away

Avoid the sky when the stars come out

Think other thoughts even for one day

I won’t grieve for you

I should pretend that you are dead

This helps me through

I am growing stronger

I will forget you

I can resist the thoughts a little longer

I am living my own way

I refuse to be perfect for you

I will smile a lot today

Smarter interactions

Delete that picture

Wish for distractions

(Especially when passing the movie theater)

Stop remembering our last kiss in my car

Never drive down that street

It’s tough enough sitting at the bar

Just look away

Just look away

Just look away

casting shadows on this love

This love that I feel

Is everything

And nothing

At the same time

Maybe this means

That I can reclaim

This lonely heart

Of mine

This love that I feel

Is an empty vessel

Like the dawn

Of a new day

Maybe this means

It should be set free

To explore life

In its own way

This love that I feel

Never reached

Your heart

Filled with resistance

Maybe this means

It lives just beyond

The realm

Of your existence

Standing outside the door

Where darkness dares to explore

Lurking around the seams

Of hope and light and dreams

This love that I feel

Skims the surface of what is real

Within that damning shadow of a doubt

Until all the starlight finally burns out

void of time

the petal will fall

and glisten like a gorgeous summer goddess

in the garden of eternity

crying out for death

as she whispers

“I am a woman”

the crushed dreams of a girl

soar within a vision of beauty

beneath the gown of mist

like a delicate symphony

underneath my bare feet

writing on the wall

I was flying high in love

And it’s been painful coming down

Tonight the stars aren’t gleaming above

To guide me closer to your town

Well my heart is torn in pieces

And I know what I want to do

Wondering when you’ll see this

You know I can’t stop loving you

The pieces come together

And tie themselves in knots

I buckle under pressure

And the pain doesn’t stop

Just to pass by your place

The apartments by the park

It’s still so hard to face

Even in the dark

Then just in the nick of time

I see scrawled upon a brick wall

Words I was meant to write not find

Happenstance of lover and a fall

But the message was so plain to see

If only it were from you to me:

foresaken

You whip me with your anger

And I fall to the floor

Like a fool

My heart is torn in shreds

Because you never loved me

You mock me

And I’m small

I have requested nothing

Save for your love

And I trusted it would come

The sighs and whimpers

They are all I have to explain my story

I would gnaw away beyond the door

With gut-wrenching need

Because you are always in there

And I am out here

Wanting for you to see

How much I want your love

I was the puppy you adored

Now just a forgotten and abused dog

Left out in the cold

Something Blue

The beautiful flowers you sent me

have long since withered away

and I think of all that you

put me through

since that anger-filled day

My beer-infused kisses

we first shared

never meant a thing

I know it’s over

it’s really over

and to you

it was just some passing little fling

Yet, I hoped we could’ve built something

meaningful

Built something right

Built something to last

my entire life

But I can’t feel what we could’ve built

on this hopeless, dark winter’s night

The shadows of our lover’s knot

still haunt me in my mind

like the distant flirt of those flowers

floating by me all the time

Each time I let you in again

I get my hopes up just to watch them fall

Because my birthday was just the other day

and you didn’t send me flowers at all

I texted you and asked if you met someone

And maybe you briefly entertained the thought

When soon it stopped, the chat was done

it should’ve been for me that you fought

If I blame you for what wasn’t

and hold onto what was

you’re still the lover that doesn’t

turn into someone who does

We didn’t build something meaningful

didn’t build somethng right

didn’t build something to last

all these cold, long, lonely nights…

(All those years ago, showing up in Warren, kinda buzzed, but forcing kisses upon you. Yes, you must have found someone else and you will pack up and say adios)

The Candle Lighter Award

A big thanks to Eric, from http://ericalaganfanclub.wordpress.com/ for passing the Candle Lighter Award to me on January 23, 2012.

 The Candle Lighter Award is an award for a post or blog that is positive and brings light into the world. The Candle Lighter Award belongs to those who believe, who always survive the day, and who never stop dreaming, who do not quit but keep trying. Yep, sounds like me, alright!

There are no rules. If you wish to, simply accept it and you are done! You are also free to decline or ignore it. You may pass the nomination along to as many bloggers as you wish.

I nominate the following blogs for this awesome award:

http://mandogtruck.wordpress.com                                         http://fromscott.wordpress.com

http://aslankanshaw.wordpress.com                                        http://darkarsean.wordpress.com

http://lostupabove.wordpress.com

Please feel free to check out these blogs and see why I have appreciated them so much.

I hope all of you continue to shine a light upon the talent I have seen around here, and may that light glow bright enough for other bloggers and readers to see the magic that happens around here on a daily basis.