Death of a love

Before its time

A painful existence

For this heart of mine

In a place of light

An immutable fight

The shadow of love

Creeps along

Beside me constantly

Always stretching taller

The shadow of love

Seeps within me

A growing mass

Never becoming smaller

So that when I loved

I felt so much fear

Because the shadow

Was always near

And it harbored


And befriended

Anxiety and madness

Come take a stroll

Beyond the sleepy knoll

The tombstone by the willow tree

is shawled with a soft moss

Brush it off and you’ll see

The shadow of love is loss

(the loss of me)


September Twelfth

Did you drown the love

Or is it living a life

Beyond your realm

Where there is no strife

How were you able to sleep

Or did you lie to yourself

About me that night

On September Twelfth

I’m lost beyond the shadows

In your mind

Where you hide the truth from yourself

All the time

I cry myself to sleep every night

And wonder how you’d think it’s alright

Did you drown our love

Or is it living a life

Beyond the shadows in your mind

September Twelfth

Is my everyday, all the time

Without true metamorphosis

The bud was found on a sunny spring day

And I was certain it would bloom on

I was coming out of my cocoon

Just for you

The last time I looked at you

I didn’t see the light shining around us

And when you held me

I felt as if I were a voyeur

On the opposite side of the world

Where in a man’s arms

A woman with almond eyes

Rations out pieces of her soul

That meet up with his

And then the two entwine into one

Distant feelings

That linger on in time

But not around here

With me

Why did you break my heart

Again and again

I cried within each tick of the clock

And in the moments the lie between

I faked smiles

And traded laughter for sleepless nights

Still ensnared within your butterfly net

I just want to feel right in the world again

So should you hold me once more

It will be “goodbye”

My love for you could not be nourished

Forever ends here with me

Worthless Scrawl

Slowly fading to gray

Moments slip away

Caught between a final heartbeat

Useless pennies beneath a seat

You have been concluding

With all the love you’re refusing

I cannot win your heart

And it has torn me apart

Broke this love in two

Disregarded what is true

You’ve put me to shame

And if this was some kind of game

I couldn’t play another minute

Although your heart I tried to win it

So now I’ve kicked down death’s door

It’s clear you didn’t need me anymore

When you find this note

And see me lying in my coat

You’ll lift me up and kiss me fair and all

Upon your knees you would never fall

Buspar and Whiskey:memories of Tom

I see him at the guitar store
Sitting by himself
My eyes locked in for more
My heart sitting on a shelf
He plays ‘Picture’ for a thought
And he seems so down,
Like the days we fought

For losing the love we found
I cannot tell what is now
From what was then
And he is different somehow
From all the other men
Crying to himself,
Oh how this world is so cruel,
I grab my heart off that shelf

Force my fears to duel
So as to not let the fight inside his heart
Fade from the depths of all that is real
From all the truth that sets him apart

For all his love I long to feel
With my chewed upon, cracked lips,
A nervous wreck am I
His long legs wrapped around my hips
Same thought until I die

Kiss me, Kiss me
Buspar and whiskey
But not tonight
I’m feeling frisky
And he looks so right
Mysterious eyes
Riffing on that guitar
Left behind my disguise
But spunk only goes so far
I just want to feel him wrapped around me
And wear him like the bubbles in my bath
Lift his eyes up from the guitar to see
He needs to follow my path
But now it seems

His voice is calling
Reaching into my dreams
Oh no, I’m falling…
And it is quiet here

He stopped playing
I see him walking near
And he is saying

I miss you and always will
As we fall down together,
I see I don’t need booze or a pill
My heart to his, tether

Buspar and whiskey
Never say that they miss me

Kreativ Blogger Award

Thank you Eric,  http://ericalaganfanclub.wordpress.com/ for nominating my blog for the Kreativ Blogger Award on January 1, 2011.  Sorry for the delay in getting to this. It has been a very busy few days. What a great start to the New Year!

Now for the rules of conversion:

1. Share ten (10) things no one (meaning the blogging community) knows about yourself.

Okay, here I go:

  1. I can sing Silent Night (christmas Song) in German even though I don’t know how to speak German.
  2. I am a long-suffering fan of the New York Jets football team.
  3. I am a Capricorn.
  4. I drive a Volkswagen Passat.
  5. I want to live in either Nashville TN or Southern California but so far I am stuck here in New Jersey.
  6. I am currently working out 5 days a week….trying to get my butt in shape.
  7. I suffer from insomnia quite often and have since I was a young kid.
  8. I hate hate hate cooking, but my kids love what I cook so….there is no escaping it!!!! Although I try to…LOL.
  9. I am addicted to chewing gum and if I am not chewing gum I chew my lips or the insides of my cheeks.
  10. I named my son after Eddie Vedder, lead singer of the band Pearl Jam.

2. Pass it on to six other bloggers. My nominees are:

David Archer: http://gravatar.com/82d63670ce4ff3ad3127f3a50d820df6, Scott Mitchell:http://gravatar.com/a9fc5838bdba8f87f09b0e2a278fea7d, Betty Hayes Albright:http://gravatar.com/438bb990fb8386463549185ab771fc04, Meduamoon:http://gravatar.com/a511824e8e455559d01674c38900511e, Aslan Kanshaw: http://gravatar.com/65ee9c611c99fa29d5fb84e970e9379c, clownponders:http://gravatar.com/08f46d0aa304c3af85d732670a5dea99

Once again, thank you Eric Alagan: http://ericalaganfanclub.wordpress.com/ for the nomination! And have a healthy and Happy 2012 and always!

New Year’s Day

**I suggest reading the poem on this blog entitled “New Year’s Eve”  https://gabrielsfury.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/new-years-eve/  before reading this.**

Something in the air up high last night

Weighed me down:

A heartstring and soul-baring searchlight

When I didn’t want to be found.

I tow the weight of the world

With me all the time,

But a ballet of feelings twirled

Through this aching heart of mine.

Just when I thought to leap,

And end my hauntingly bruised life,

I saw from upon the bridge so steep

A murky river full of sorrow, guilt, strife.

That light shined bright with so little warning.

It’s you I want to sink into, not the opaque.

And clearly, before the dawn of this new year’s morning,

In death I would have lost all the love still at stake.