January 21, 2001

It was freezing cold this morning, a bit before sunrise

It was freezing cold between us, but that was no surprise

I went and sat out on the porch, in my dad’s rocking chair

It used to be his father’s, not that you would care

I tried to find my love for you, in the midst of the snowy winter bright

For once, I didn’t miss your arms around me, even in the middle of the night

Maybe someday you will grow up and grow tired of your own damned ways

As I sat on the porch in the rocking chair, I felt saddened in that early dawn place

I am carrying your child, and it’s not an easy task

Someday I will tell him about you, if he should ask

For now, my former love, he is all that I have and all that I know

I feel I’ve missed love’s eternal light, and I feel unnecessarily alone

6 thoughts on “January 21, 2001

  1. Oh, never doubt the powerful bond between a mother and son, or the love a son feels for his mother, especially in such circumstances. I know my three boys adore me so much, even with their father around.

    I love this poem so much, the flow and the poignant sadness underlying a love gone stale. Keep the cheer, Eva.

  2. Thanks…I wrote it on the date of the title and yes, I think my son truly loves me. I was in a bad place back then, and now just in a different kind of bad place. Yet I still have my children and I guess that is what counts.

  3. Thanks…This was written on the date of the title, so yes, 11 years ago. I was separated from my former husband and pregnant with our son. It waasn’t the most joyful time in my life.

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