Close to your skin
Cradled to your chest
The solemnity herein
Of our love’s family crest
What pays homage to the heart
With such anchored weight
Then pangs while apart
So, I fear it’s too late
An ear fixed to the sound
Of the thumping inside you
In your tears, now I’m drowned
With a lifeless, gray hue
Sunlight is distant from this frozen, far-off place
Here, love was exiled with Pluto, fallen from grace
Phoebe, a famed moon of Saturn, formed in the freeze
As I wept alone in darkness with silenced pleas
My tears etched the surface for planetary life
Throughout the universe, instrumental was my strife
Then finally through it all, a chance to freeze the hands of time
Just to hear you say, that I was worth the climb
Every ounce of happiness I had is gone and the new ones are either fleeting or feigned.
Every bit of light that finds its way to my soul, hits a wall of darkness, heavy as the clouds before it rained.
I try to tether myself onto shattered shards of hope and love, but seemingly it’s just a mirage.
The ethereal vision of us sharing the wondrous heavens is gone in a stormy barrage.
I’ll be alone when the clocks stop, and in love with you beyond the rules of the hands of time that apply.
Outside your realm, I am that dying star, unable to emit enough energy to beautifully adorn your night sky.
Maybe I should start another blog for this kind of post. It’s more like a journal entry.
I fell in love with someone two years ago, but due to my failed marriage, my low self-esteem, my agony over a painful past, and the worrying I did about our age difference (he’s younger), I ruined what could have been. It didn’t help that he wasn’t great at communicating, but in spite of everything, I had some hope.
What hurts the most is seeing him with his friends at the place where we had met. He would say hello in the past, but recently he acts like I’m invisible, and maybe I am, to him.
I lost my soul in his eyes. My body would feel quite ethereal when I looked at him. Even now, If I see him somewhere or pass by his place (it’s on a main roadway, so no, I don’t set out to pass by), I almost feel like a homesick child. I think my heart and soul just understand love more than my mind. I either want this feeling to end or I want him to hold me forever.
The age difference ensures we cannot ever be together. He’ll need to have a family someday and I am done having children. So the question is, do I remain invisible or do I learn to make him invisible to me, and could someone tell me how to carry this out?
The arch of the underpass
How it magnified the depth of the water
Like a mirror’s glass
To the guilt as you fought her
That girl cried
Because you boxed her up
And you lied
As she sipped from your malignant cup
The venomous snake with red eyes
It’s been there since your youth
Turn your spineless back as she cries
The river’s waiting to reflect the truth
You can peacefully drift alone in your canoe
And elude honesty all day long
But the night emulates that underpass you paddled through
Where her echoed cries remain forever strong
(September 21, 2012)
Seldom we are stationary in thought
The season once again is closing out
Time’s linear pattern always sought
But it’s management flails about
I wish not to be held captive to the notion
Of giving up control and sending it into the wild
Drowning me like the vast ocean
Forever leaving me lonely and beguiled
Grains falling from my hand
With an elliptical but familiar feel
Mirrors formed from sand
Reflecting what is real