Maybe I should start another blog for this kind of post. It’s more like a journal entry.

I fell in love with someone two years ago, but due to my failed marriage, my low self-esteem, my agony over a painful past, and the worrying I did about our age difference (he’s younger), I ruined what could have been. It didn’t help that he wasn’t great at communicating, but in spite of everything, I had some hope.

What hurts the most is seeing him with his friends at the place where we had met. He would say hello in the past, but recently he acts like I’m invisible, and maybe I am, to him.

I lost my soul in his eyes. My body would feel quite ethereal when I looked at him. Even now, If I see him somewhere or pass by his place (it’s on a main roadway, so no, I don’t set out to pass by), I almost feel like a homesick child. I think my heart and soul just understand love more than my mind. I either want this feeling to end or I want him to hold me forever.

The age difference ensures we cannot ever be together. He’ll need to have a family someday and I am done having children. So the question is, do I remain invisible or do I learn to make him invisible to me, and could someone tell me how to carry this out?


41 thoughts on “Invisible

  1. Once lost it is impossible to make them invisible. Even more so because you look with the heart and soul. I am writing Heart ship because of that. He has moved on. And somehow so should you. but that is what I make of it.

  2. Me to for the past year(after 7years). And I am hoping that writing it down ill help me make sense of the pain.or help me move on.
    Never easy when your heart yearns still for what once was.

  3. Every day it is raining from the windows of ones soul. Days are grey and blurry.. But never stay in memories they only hurt more. Every step forward maybe one filled with lead. But it odes get easier though we never forget. But that is my experience

  4. When you give away a piece of your heart, you can’t take it back. But loving someone and living with them are two different things. You can still love him, even if you’ve decided to be separate. It’s hard to love someone but let them go. It sounds as if he gave you a piece of his heart, too, and pretending you are invisible is the only way he has to cope with that. I still remember with fondness people who don’t exist anymore. People I knew way back when, who have grown and changed and moved on, but my heart still remembers them as they were the last time I saw them. It’s like carrying inside you ghosts of people who are still alive, elsewhere.

  5. I believe it is easier to move on, when all has been said and no questions are left to wonder over…has all been said?

  6. I believe once you love someone they will never become invisible. We could place love in an insensitive scale and some people love at a lower number and some at a higher one. I guess invisibility has to do with what number in the scale you love someone. We never let go of the ones we truly love, they are part of us, of who we are regardless of how much time we spent with them. But like any story there always needs to be an ending, a closing. Your story (like mine) has no ending, no closure and maybe that is the reason why the connection still so strong. He may have already closed the chapter and therefore able to move on. Take what you got, save in the memory pocket and keep on living. (like I really follow my own advice – but I’m trying) 🙂

  7. Thanks for the advice and wisdom. Maybe you’re right about the scale. He was emotionally distant save for one time via phone but he was drunk. I was reeling from a bad marriage and from a painful past. He was younger than me and that could be why he was not at my level emotionally or it was just a physical thing for him. Whatever it is, he’s got my heart.

  8. Always feel free to share the breadth of your journey here. I trust you will find support and understanding. I’m hearing from you about pain at love lost and regret over your past decisions. Never regret. There are no wrong decisions, only decisions made at the time based on how you were feeling and that is ok. You are allowed to make other decisions now; you are a different person, having grown with time. Be at peace with your past decisions and also with the decisions of others. Be kind to yourself and be brave to make your decisions, whatever you may choose.

  9. It’s okay to feel like a weakling. I’m sure many others do just as myself too. Clarity of thought comes with experience and knowledge, which takes time for most of us. Focus on the now, rather than the past. Make decisions for today. Treat yourself as you do your children, with love and kindness.

  10. Easier said than done, but thanks for your kind words. It’s odd, but I wish others would love and respect me, yet often I overlook myself. Maybe because I’m a mom and have always put my children first, but really I’m not even in my own lineup most days.

  11. I have heard many times, that once you love and respect yourself you will receive that from others. It may be somewhat simplistic but I believe it to be true. You obviously care a lot for your children. Giving yourself love too, that should make you an ever better mom.

  12. Eric,
    I guess the end of a lot of relationships feel the same. It sucks.Time. Cooling down the turmoil. I would think time offered you a better deal. Your life greatly improved since that woman left you. You have the American Dream… Over there. Lol. Bless you!

  13. My opinion ma’am? If he still loves you, then the age difference should be of no concern, even if he does wish to have children of his own. Do you know for a fact that he wants children?
    Either way, he should respect your decision not to have more children and opt instead to spend a happy, fulfilled life with you. I personally would argue that you do not need to be invisible; that you physically go up to him next time, sit down and talk about what could happen in the future. If however you really wish to have nothing to do with this man and you really wish to remain invisible, I think talking together would help as well; the both of you could come to a suitable conclusion that will benefit the both of you and bring an end to any awkwardness that arises when you are in close proximity. I mean, how can you possibly orchestrate a solution that the other person has no part in?
    Additionally, again, I feel you are really beefing up the age difference argument – you shouldn’t. Love takes no sides and love has no age differences. By heightening this ideology of age – it creates unnecessary boundaries.
    On another note, I read on the Facebook page of a psychologist some years ago that she believed 90% of men wished that women would make the first move when it came to relationships, and I for one fit inside that 90%. At the moment, I am in the awkward position where, a while ago, I asked a woman I really like out, and found she was in a relationship. Now, her attitude has completely changed as though something in her life has being altered and I am uncertain whether I should ask her out again. If her relationship status has changed, I would really like her to tell me, because if I ask her out again, not only do I seem perhaps desperate, but also a bit of a nag.
    My point is that by taking the initiative and talking to this man, you will probably save the both of you a lot of hardship.
    However, if you really wish to avoid this man, I would say that perhaps you could choose some alternate venues to hang out in, or you could move on by attempting to find another potential paramour. Still, I believe talking to this man may be the best option, but this is purely your prerogative.
    Good luck ma’am.

  14. Did he explicitly tell you that he wanted children and that if you weren’t willing to consider it then it’s a deal breaker? Because I really don’t think it ought to be a unilateral decision in this respect.
    If he told you so, and this is why the relationship ended, then that is tough, and I really feel for you, and hope that in time you will learn to no longer linger over what might have been and find someone new, and better attuned to your needs than he was.
    The fact that he ignores you is a sign of both hurt and immaturity. Perhaps he needs time to heal too before he is able to accept you as a part of his life, on different terms from the ones he originally envisioned.
    If you assumed that he wants his own children, if you didn’t actually discuss the matter openly, and you simply acted from assumption rather than fact, then perhaps you ought to reconsider.
    The age difference usually matters more to the elder of the two. To the other it tends to be a matter of indifference, and they struggle to see what the issue is. Was this the case for your relationship too?
    I hope this helps. And I hope you are well xxx

  15. Thank you for such a great comment. You are right that I can make no plans moving forward regardless of whether we choose to be together or move on without him if he’s not part of the solution.
    The age difference will someday look apparent. Right now, I look younger than my age and he looks right on target. He also acts like he’s ten years younger than he is, which I’d have no control over nor do I wish to. He and his friends, who mean a lot to him, crowd a large corner of the bar I frequent, and are over loud. I understand alcohol will do that, but not this crew. They’re loud in general. He’s also got no real future. I think a real job isn’t even a thought of his. Odd because he said his mom wants grandkids, but he doesn’t make steps to secure a future.
    You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and the woman you wish to ask out would probably be flattered and jump at the chance to be with you. My advice, though you are not seeking it, is to show her your reply to my post. Let her see what a level-headed, caring, well-written guy you are.
    I wish you all the best.

  16. Unfortunately, I have no advice to offer you because I am going through my own dilemma right now but I do appreciate all the comments and honesty from everyone. It has been very cathartic for me just reading this post and comments. I wish you luck with your dilemma and I hope you continue to share your story with us. It’s nice to know that there are so many people out here who care and are willing to share. Thanks Everyone!!!

  17. Thank you for the reply. Yes, he told me his mom wants grandchildren. If I had gotten pregnant two tears ago when I was with him, fine, but now I am done. I was not seeking mire children then, anyhow. Likewise, he seems to be avoiding a secure future to raise a family in.
    Someday, maybe, we’ll at least be friends.

  18. Been there! It can hush enough to give yourself some care. And from there you can have an even better energy to give to those you love. You are worth it. Be kind to yourself.

  19. Eva dear, I hate to spoil it it but my little bit is that move on in your life, You certainly do not need a guy with no future in your life. He will only be added trouble and burden. Right now I don’t think the age difference is the problem since if he had a future that may not worry you. I am saying this because of your kids who would need stabilizing presence in their lives.

    He came into your life at ta time when you were down, hurting, your emotions raw and needing some love and affection. He must have been good for you and I do not doubt the love you shared. But please, like you said you can be friends; if he does not want that, let him be. I believe strongly that the right person will come into your life because you are such a loving and caring woman 🙂

  20. Thank you, Celestine.

    You are right. He couldn’t offer a stabilizing presence. My kids wouldn’t learn from him anything good.

    I guess the reason he appeared in my life no linger exists. I was down and he made me forget about my problems when we were together. Maybe I am stringer now and see things more clearly, but he sure knew how to light my fire and I don’t know if anyone could compare after that. The cheater made me feel ugly and this guy made me feel beautiful. I miss that. But you are right. I can’t be with someone who lacks foresight.

  21. It’s a tough thing to give yourself to someone and not have it reciprocated, in my opinion which may not be the best on the subject, but exploring your feelings with words rather than holding them in is always better, does less damage in the long run, however painful it seems now. You have a huge blog support group to, so that is always a good thing to have!

  22. Yes, indeed. Just wish the romance would find its way to me. In person. On here, people are nice, but romantic prospects aren’t in the blogosphere. Everyone is young, or too old, or female. Haha.
    Writing it out keeps it from clogging my veins.

  23. You are so picky lol…I know what you mean, it is sometimes quite by pure chance you find a blogger or blogette that you click with. we are nice on here and friendships are always good!

  24. Yep, picky! But really, if I am up for the challenge of long-distance, he should meet some of my requirements, as should I for him. Still, face to face would be better.
    The friendships are really good and I look forward to comments from certain folks, including you.

  25. I hope that too, although you might find that once you have processed everything and found a way to move on, whether you are friends or not will not matter much. Warm regards xx

  26. this is a hard thing to overcome, and i’ve been through it myself. (who hasn’t?) i recommend the book “how to survive the loss of a love” if you haven’t read it already. i don’t have much truck with self-help books, but it’s a rarity and a gem. by the way, thanks for liking my poem.

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