Maybe I should start another blog for this kind of post. It’s more like a journal entry.
I fell in love with someone two years ago, but due to my failed marriage, my low self-esteem, my agony over a painful past, and the worrying I did about our age difference (he’s younger), I ruined what could have been. It didn’t help that he wasn’t great at communicating, but in spite of everything, I had some hope.
What hurts the most is seeing him with his friends at the place where we had met. He would say hello in the past, but recently he acts like I’m invisible, and maybe I am, to him.
I lost my soul in his eyes. My body would feel quite ethereal when I looked at him. Even now, If I see him somewhere or pass by his place (it’s on a main roadway, so no, I don’t set out to pass by), I almost feel like a homesick child. I think my heart and soul just understand love more than my mind. I either want this feeling to end or I want him to hold me forever.
The age difference ensures we cannot ever be together. He’ll need to have a family someday and I am done having children. So the question is, do I remain invisible or do I learn to make him invisible to me, and could someone tell me how to carry this out?